Jenny Holzer (American, born 1950) "Blue Curve"

Text: I DO NOT HEAR YOUR HAND ON THE LATCH I WAKE TO YOU IN MY BED YOUR BACK AGAINST THE WALL YOU ARE MY RIB HEADBOARD I KNOW YOUR SMELL THERE IS NO WORK FOR MY EYES HALF AWARE I FEEL YOUR HAND MOVE AND THE PAIN IS YOUR SIGNATURE AND THE START WE ARE NO FIT MY MOUTH PROVIDES COMFORT FOR US BUT THE MILK IS NO MILK THE NIPPLE NO BREAST THE BREASTS NOT MINE MY PUZZLE STILL I AM AN INFANT AND YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER I ASK THE RUG ON THE STAIR INTRICATE PATTERN HOLD THE SOUND THERE IS BLOOD AND MORE BLOOD THERE IS SHIT IN THE BLOOD THIS IS NOT FEEDING TIME I FIND MY SKIN A COVER OF SENSE THE ORDAINED EDGE BUT MY SKIN FAILS I GAPE FULL OF YOU NOT TAKEN ELSEWHERE YOU LOCK AND CONVULSE THEN EASE NEAR ME I NEVER QUIET I AM AROUSED ALL THE TIME NOW I WORK THE PAUSE IN THE NIGHT WHEN NO WOMEN GO ABOUT AND NO WOMEN COME WHEN CALLED I EXALT IN MY SKILL IN THE SHADE EYELESS BABY TRICKS TONGUE CURLED AROUND ALL SWEET BREATH AND I SHOW YOU THIS NOW AND KEEP IT FOR LATER MY ROOM HAS FOUR DOORS NOT ALL CLOSED THE ROOM HAS THREE WINDOWS SHUT AND A BLIND CLOSET HERE IS RUSTY WATER TO CLEAN ME WELL ENOUGH TO GIVE BACK TO PEOPLE I AM WHERE BONES FALL AFTER EATING BEFORE YOU DIE I SEE YOUR BODY ON A BED IN THE LIGHT YOUR SHIRT IS OPEN A SUITOR'S BOAST YOUR CHEST ADMITTING DEVOTION I HAD NOT EXPECTED A CLAIM FROM A DYING MAN YOU SURPRISE ME DEAD BEFORE I AM WHEN YOU COME ALONG BY NIGHT TO WATCH MY OWN GIRL I LOVE HER MORE AND SEND YOU HOME I AM INDIFFERENT TO MYSELF BUT NOT TO MY CHILD I ALWAYS JUSTIFIED MY INACTIVITY AND CARELESSNESS IN THE FACE OF DANGER BECAUSE I WAS SURE TO BE SOMEONE'S VICTIM I GRINNED AND LOITERED IN GUILTY ANTICIPATION NOW I MUST BE HERE TO WATCH HER I EXPERIMENT TO SEE IF I CAN STAND HER PAIN I CANNOT I AM SLY AND DISHONEST TALKING ABOUT WHY I SHOULD BE LEFT ALIVE BUT IT IS NOT MY WAY WITH HER SHE MUST STAY WELL BECAUSE HER MIND WILL OFFER NO HIDING PLACE IF ILLNESS OR VIOLENCE FINDS HER I WANT TO BE MORE THAN HER CUSTODIAN AND A FRIEND OF THE EXECUTIONER FUCK ME AND FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO WOULD HURT HER I DID NOT WANT MY CHILD BECAUSE I KNEW I COULD NOT LIKE THE FEELING WHEN SHE WAS THREATENED BUT ONE MORNING IN A MOVEMENT OF INFINITE TENDERNESS I page1image23760 CALLED HER I CANNOT PRECLUDE HER DEATH AND OUR DEPENDENCE LETS EVERY DANGER WORK UNCHALLENGED THE IDEA THAT I AM CRIMINAL RECURS EACH TIME THERE IS REAL TROUBLE I WOULD KILL HER RATHER THAN WATCH A DIRTY ENDING BUT THE KILLING WOULD SPOIL MY PITY IF MY INSTINCT IS RUINED I WILL BE THE PERSON WHO CAN DO ANYTHING TO YOU I AM SULLEN AND THEN FRANTIC WHEN I CANNOT BE WHOLLY WITHIN THE ZONE OF MY INFANT I AM CONSUMED BY HER I AM AN ANIMAL WHO DOES ALL SHE SHOULD I AM SURPRISED THAT I CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO HER I WAS PAST FEELING MUCH BECAUSE I WAS TIRED OF MYSELF BUT I WANT HER TO LIVE I HATE EACH OF YOU WHO MURDERS NOW MY BEST SENSES ARE BACK AND WHAT I FEEL AFTER LOVE IS FEAR I FEAR FIVE THINGS AND MYSELF I FEAR THE NEW ILLNESS I AM NOT SURE IF THE CHILD AND I ARE SICK NOW THAT SHE IS BORN I AM AFRAID TO KNOW I TOUCH HER NECK I AM NOT CERTAIN I COULD CARE FOR HER I FEAR PEOPLE CRAZY MAD FROM NEED AND THE CONTEMPT OF EVERYONE WHO COULD HELP THEM I GO WALKING AND I HOPE SOMEONE DOES NOT SEE MY FAT BABY AS AN INSULT I AM AFRAID OF THE ONES IN POWER WHO KILL PEOPLE AND DO NOT ADMIT GRIEF THEY WILL NOT STAY IN A ROOM WITH A DYING BABY THEY WILL NOT SPEND THE DAYS IT CAN TAKE I FEAR SUBSTANCES THAT CANNOT BE SENSED AND MUST NOT BE TOUCHED THE RESIDUE OF GOOD AND BAD IDEAS I TURN THE CHILD OVER AND OVER TO LOOK FOR SIGNS CONTAMINATION MAKES THE NEW WEATHER AND THE STINKING HEAT THE BABY IS RED AND TRIES TO PULL AWAY FROM ME AFTER THIS IDIOT PERIOD OF SQUANDERING AND WAITING I FEAR EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT WELCOME CHANGE THE SHOCK OF A CUTTING BIRTH REMINDS ME THAT PAIN IS NOT THOUGHT MY NEED TO PROTECT COMES WITH THE CHILD IT MAY GIVE ME TIME